I am The Saved! I am the Redemeemed! I am the Whosoever Part 2

The Yearning

 

Proverbs 16:1 We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answers.

Proverbs 16:25 There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.

 

What does it mean, “the Lord saved me”? I thought I knew what made happy, and I pursued those things with my whole heart. They were normal things that everyone seeks, but when I got them I was empty. The more I tried to fill that emptiness, the deeper the hole went. It frustrated me, confused me, embittered me. The bitterness rooted, blossomed and grew into something I did not like. I had a great husband, beautiful son, a job I liked, a cute home, but none of it changed the longing I felt. What was wrong with me?

 

In 2008, while watching The Transformers movie at home, we noticed Tim's head twitching, rhythmically and repeatedly. By the middle of the weekend he was grunting. We called his pediatrician. We recorded him. We tried to solve the mystery. Twitching turned to jerking, grunts turned to sounds and words. In April 2009. Tim’s 2^nd grade teacher called. She was upset because Tim was “falling out of his chair and thrashing around on the ground.” We went to the ER. We thought he had seizures. To make a long story short, doctors diagnosed Tim with Tourette Syndrome (TS). At that moment everything I thought I wanted in the world no longer mattered. All I wanted was for Tim to be well, to be cured. There was no cure. Medicine offered little to no help. Medications take the edge off but its effectiveness comes and goes.

 

TS broke something in me that no one or nothing could mend. I could feel my heart bleeding because I could not fix my son. I could not shield him from the stares, the ignorance, the comments, the jokes.

 

In the summer of 2009 my husband kept talking about a preacher he heard on the radio. I laughed at him a little bit because listening to preachers on the radio or TV is what old people did, and we weren’t old. He said, “he’s different.”

http://www.theimplantedword.com/ 

One morning my son was struggling with explosive and crippling tics. I got it my car to take him to school and my radio was on 102.3, Radio By Grace. The preacher was Bill Gehm, senior pastor at Grace Church www.calvaryamarillo.org/ in Amarillo, TX. The minute I heard his voice I started to cry. I have no idea why and I had barely heard him for even a minute, but something or Someone overwhelmed me and I could not get a grip. I listened every single day for a year. I refused to go to this church, but I kept listening.

 

One day my husband sat me down and said, “we belong at that church. I know it’s what God wants and it is what we’re going to do.”  I followed him kicking, complaining, and making life difficult for him every Sunday. Then he said, “we’re going to the Wednesday service”. That infuriated me. I accepted we were attending on Sundays. 1 hour once a week…no big deal. On Wednesday Tim’s tics exploded. He laid in our living room floor, rolling and thrashing. His entire body ticced. Jason pushed us on and out the door. As soon as I walked in the sanctuary…tears. I heard every word he preached that night; about unfaithful Israel who looked to other gods instead of the true God, and it wrecked her, stripped her of her glory.

 

I thought on that sermon for weeks. Finally, Sunday, November 21, 2010 I had enough of the war in my heart between me and God so when I woke up that morning. I decided, “this is my day of salvation. I surrender everything to God.” …..and I did. Why? Because my way was not working. I thought, “ok, let’s give this a shot.” I stood when Pastor Bill Gehm gave the altar call and God reset my life. Everything changed, some of it was immediate and glorious, some of it has been a process. But, I can’t forget that call or God's voice. I heard Him so clearly, and it was the first time in my life I knew He was speaking to me. I told Jason that God grabbed my face and made me look at Him in the eyes. He called so passionately that every time I think “I want to walk away from Him” (and sometimes I do feel that way), I stop; because I remember all that I have seen and heard and learned. Life by faith can be hard. We control none of it except the decision to walk where it tells us to go, moving towards a home we cannot see and a God we cannot touch. Faith lives in our hearts. That is where I see, hear, touch and KNOW God. In the depth of who I am, I know Him. I yearn for Him. He satisfies a place deep inside that no one else could, yet at the same time my heart craves more and more; because He never stops calling to us once we say “yes”, because He is infinite.  I love that mystery, and I love that I am a page in His story. 

 

I love living for a Kingdom that is bigger than me and mine, a Kingdom that will continue after I am gone and until He comes. And that will last forever when Heaven and earth fade away.  If that is simple, gullible, so be it. The day the doctors said, “he has Tourette Syndrome and there is no cure” made every desire for this world fade away except three. 1. Healing for my son 2. That my life reflects Him 3. That my life makes a significant impact on just one person. His way makes my life  meaningful here and gives me hope in the life to come. His way makes me more compassionate, more patient, more understanding because I know I will answer for how I treat my fellow man in this life. His way is just all around better than my own. I look for ways to love, to serve, to bless because that is what Jesus did for me. He saw my greatest need and He rescued me. He saved me from myself! I love Him.

 

 

Isaiah 55:8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord.

 

I am saved! I am the redeemed! I am the whosoever!

I'm Saved! I'm Redeemed!

"For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation, first to the Jew then to the gentiles." Romans 1:16

In November 2010, I finally understood what the gospel, what the "good news" was all about....that while I was still a SINNER, Jesus Christ died for me (Romans 5), and I only have to believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is who He says He is and confess that He is my Lord and Savior (Romans 10)...then I am saved.  Saved from what?  That's a good question and I am glad you asked. My pastor spent a long time in Romans and I hope he would be proud that it stuck!

My next several posts will tell you what I think it means and what it has meant for me. The Bible says to let the redeemed say so. I am redeemed. It is my favorite story in the world to tell!

1. I am saved from hell.  Hell is real. Hell exists for satan and his demons, not for us. The question of evil vs righteous, good person vs bad person is complicated. Why would a God who loves people allow them to go there. There are "immutable"(points for my theological term) traits in God. He is love. He is eternal. He is holy. I read today in 2 Timothy 2 that God is faithful. Honestly, the question as to why God would allow good people to go to hell bothered me too until He gave me a personal illustration one day. I crossed paths with a person who is a registered sex offender. He committed the offense against a minor. I have trust issues, so I do background checks on nearly everyone who comes in close contact with me or my family. He wanted to hug me.  I rejected his hug and did not want him in my presence. That day, I got it. I am human, with all the flaws and secrets we all hide, but I am not someone who would harm a child, especially in that way. Look at how the world is reacting to known child abusers. Why do we want to keep them away? Because our decent, protective nature can't handle them in our presence. Our reaction is to shrink back or to push away. God is perfectly holy, and we cannot understand that kind of purity. God cannot change His holiness, it is who He is. Consequently, sin, even the "smallest" degree of sin cannot enter His presence. He reacts to it by pushing it away. He can't change who He is.

So what are we going to do? I can't be holy and He can't stop being holy.  God made us to live with Him. The only way was to have His son, Jesus, bear all of our sin and its consequences in our place. He died in our place because Jesus is holy and knew no sin until He paid for mine. That is mercy. Then He rose from the dead. Do you know what He asked for in return? Faith to believe in our hearts and faith to accept His way. When we believe, we are saved. We are not going to hell. We are going to Heaven, forever! That is grace. That is good news and it turned my world right side up. I wrecked it, turned it upside down, but He had mercy. He saved me.

It makes no sense. How can I believe it? Tourette syndrome removed the scales from my eyes. When I have no answers, when medical experts have no answers, I have nowhere else to look but up. Up to a power that is greater than yours and mine. Up to a name that is higher than any other. Up to a love so great He would humble Himself so that I could be lifted up and seated in Heavenly places. My son, who struggles sometimes with walking and talking, believes.  Do you know where he gets his strength to face it all, day after day?  He looks up as the world looks on. I've seen it. I've tasted it. I know He is real and this works.

This world is temporary. I am so glad because for me none of satisfies and I know a glorious future awaits in 40+ years!

Stay tuned! I'm just getting started. He is glorious. And John 3:16-17 is THE TRUTH. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. God did not send His Son to the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." That is good news!