Suffering Saint or Saved Sinner!

Hebrews 6:19-20 This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek.

I keep thinking about a popular quote I see hanging in many homes. "Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite."  I love hearing how people found Jesus.  They are all beautiful, but that quote is true.  I love to tell the stories of everything He has done for me.

I talk a lot about suffering and the sorrows that have come from raising a child like my son.   In a knee jerk reaction to the prosperity gospel that once permeated the televangelist world, I fear some of us swing the other way, reveling in the title suffering saint.  Jesus is clear that to follow Him we must take up our cross.  In this world we will have tribulations, and we do.  However, there is a part B to that verse that says BE OF GOOD CHEER FOR I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!!!!  Yes, I meant to scream that.

Because suffering is not the point. Jesus is love and peace, joy and hope. That is the point. Perfect love. Peace beyond comprehension. Joy unspeakable and full of glory. Hope eternal in life and death.

We who believe in our hearts that Jesus Christ is the Son if God, who died as the sacrifice for ours sins then rose from the dead, and confess with our mouths that Jesus is our Lord and Savior, we are saved. Salvation in Jesus spares us from an ultimate suffering that we cannot comprehend, the damnation of our souls and eternal suffering in hell. We are saved. That is good news, the gospel, of which I am proud, and Jesus, in Whom I boast.

Salvation is not a ticket into a fantasy land apart from the real world. Salvation is three fold as I have come to understand.

1.  Jesus now walks with us and He is a high priest who understands everything we go through in this world because He went through it too. He walks with us right into the throne room of God the Father where He advocates for us, which brings me to part two.

2. Because Jesus paid for our sin once and for all, we are allowed in the throne room of God. We communicate one on one with the Father. In fact through Jesus, God adopts us as His children and we call Him Father.

3. The ultimate benefit of salvation takes place after we die. We spend eternal life in Heaven with God. What we know now by faith we will exprience with our senses. This is eternal glory where suffering ends forever.

It all boils down to Jesus, God with us. He is with us in life, in death, in everything after. Now our suffering is temporary producing glory eternal. Glory to God and us.

That, my friend, is hope, and sometimes in the midst of storms so fierce it swallows all ligth and sound, the best thing you can do is look back and recount, recall every single time the Lord Jesus walked with you and brought you through, carried you through, and speak them. Remember what you learned about God on the other side. Remember when you had nothing, then God revealed Himself as provider. Remember when you were alone and God proved Himself the friend that sticks closer than a brother. Remember He is God with us even in the operating room, or the courtroom, or the prison, or death! Remember how many times God has been exactly who He said He is in His Word. The light will come from the Lord Jesus in you.

This is all elementary and nothing profound. However this hope is my anchor, my fixed point that prevents me from drifting, from drowning. It is eternal hope because it is fixated on the Lord Jesus who said it is finished.

And I rejoice in Him, even on the dark days. All glory to Jesus my Savior, Hope and Friend.

#hope
#tourettesyndrome

From The Depths of My Despair Arose a Hope...

I walk by faith and not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)  However, this face reveals a bit of God's face for me.  May I introduce my son, Tim. Tim's sixteenth birthday approaches quickly (in February).

A neurologist in Dallas diagnosed Tim with Tourette Syndrome on May 1, 2009.  The diagnosis came as no surprise.  I suspected this for many years.  What has surprised me is the severity of his case and how much Tourette Syndrome can disable someone.  For more information visit http://www.tourettetexas.org/

Tourette is unique and hard to explain without making those who suffer from it sound weird.  Sometimes it is weird.  Its unique challenges also make it easy to exploit and mock.  

With all my heart I know that God did not bring Tourette into our lives.  My pastor taught from Job in the Bible a couple of years ago.  You might be able to find archived copies of those sermons at the following two links.

http://www.theimplantedword.com/  

http://www.graceamarillo.com/

One of the things that sticks out most from what I learned from these lessons is that God gave permission to satan to go after Job for the following reason; to prove Job's heart even in the face of all out war from hell.  I don't pretend to understand the ways or reasoning of God, but I realized I am not so sure of my own heart if I had to walk through the things Job did.  I am not a preacher so I have no interest in arguing or defending or proving anything to anyone else. 

In the midst of one of the worst valleys I have ever had to watch someone walk through, in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death that I have watched some of my loved ones walk through....I have learned and seen and touched and tasted.  My experiences solidify what I accepted by faith.  What was intangible through some of these trials have become evidence and proof; proof of my own heart, proof of the Body of Christ, proof of God Himself. 

Acts 20:24New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁴ But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, o that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

This verse is one of those intangibles that was once truth in theory in my heart and in my life.  Through Tourette the theory becomes the assurance of something hoped for and the conviction of something NOT seen, but known and experienced.

There is so much I have learned and could have only learned step by step, leg by leg of this unique journey through and with my son.

Over the next year, 2017, I have vowed to blog it regularly.  I do it mostly for myself but also for those parents coming up who were just like me, blindsided by something they knew nothing about but needed hope, comfort, and refuge to cope and survive.

All in all, as much as I despise Tourette Syndrome, as much as it is an ugly name for me, I have learned there is a name that is so much greater, and I have come to KNOW this person in whom I believe, Jesus Christ.  He is no longer true in theory, but He is someone I trust and love.  He IS my truth and glory and proof.

From the depths of my despair arose a hope beyond compare.  All glory to Christ Jesus, my Savior. I am grateful this Thanksgiving weekend.

#tourettesyndrome
#hopeinthevalley
#tableinthepresenceofenemies

Now we live with great expectation...And I love Him! 1 Peter

Now we live with great expectation. 1 Peter 1:3

I like this verse.

In March of 2016 Tim's struggle with Tourette Syndrome deteriorated so that we went homebound for his education.  Our school district sent teachers to our home to educate Tim.  He hated it, but it was a good solution at the time. 

Both the homebound teachers, his classroom teachers and our administration exceeded our expectations and pulled together to get Tim through his freshman year successfully. 

In May of 2016 we saw the renown Dr Jankovich, https://www.bcm.edu/healthcare/care-centers/parkinsons, a pioneer in the treatment of movement disorders.  The summer of 2016 Tim seemed improved and he determined that he wanted to attend school for his sophomore year.  We lived in great expectation that success was certain.  We bought the supplies, the clothes, attended the back to school nights, and attended the specialized meetings with the school and his teachers.  We all expected this to work. 

It didn't. 

Tim never attended more than 2 days of actual class on campus.  Tim's case of Tourettes is severe and it impairs him. He left his engineering program, his robotics team, and had to leave the AP program to go homebound again.

He hates it again, even more because at this time we do not see an end to it. He spends his days alone, away from his friends and this crushed him.  

So now what?

I read 1 Peter, that's what.  I know God led me to this book for this purpose and this place in our lives.  I opened with the 1 Peter and the end of verse 3 Now we live with great expectation...

But for what?

For the rest of the story.  For the end of the story, and it is a happy ending.

1 Peter 1:4-5 and we have a priceless inheritance-and inheritance that is kept in Heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.  And through your faith, God is protecting you by His power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.

Peter wrote to a struggling, suffering, and persecuted church.  I am living in 1 Peter right now and have not read anything else in the Bible.  I think God is ok with that.  I have read the Bible through 4 times now, but the Bible is a living, breathing book.  1Peter is living and breathing life in my heart and soul that was crushed by watching Tim suffer through something we cannot fix, so I live there.

Maybe I will share what I'm learning, maybe I won't.  Sometimes it is just for me.  God will tell me when and if to share it.

I know He wants me to share this!


I still live in great expectation because the name and blood of Jesus is greater than any plague, persecution, person, problem, principality...even the prince of the air.   They all bow to Him.  They have all been destroyed by Him, and He is my Savior, my Friend, my Comfort and my Refuge.  So, I live in expectation that every eye will see, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess, knowing that I bow to Him as my King and confess Him now as my Lord because 1 Peter 1:8 You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy.

I love him, and I live in expectation that I will see Him, knowing Him as my Bridegroom and meeting Him as His bride.

I live in expectation because I have seen God hold my loved ones through death and I know they await us on the other side.

This is done. It is complete.  Revelation tells us what is coming.  All we have to do is keep walking and we will catch up be with Him forever.  Even though the roads keep winding and the terrain keeps shifting, the destination is certain, final, eternal and wonderful.  Eye has not seen and ear has not heard what awaits.

I believe this.  I know this.  I trust this.  I expect this!


I love Him!

#Tourettes
#Expectation
#Jesus
#Hope

What Do I Do? How Do I Do it?

What do I do when the darkness swallows up every beam of light?

I know that "Your Word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105" I guess that means on some days we won't see anything more than the next step in front of us.

What if the next step is as dark and scary as the last two I have taken?  What if I see that the path ahead still looks like the last two miles I just walked?

I know "We live by believing and not by seeing. 2 Corinthians 5:7"

It is funny how darkness distorts everything.  We sit calmly in our living room, watching a movie. Suddenly the power goes out, the room becomes pitch black, and the familiarity and safeness are forgotten as fear and uneasiness sets in.  We turn on the flashlight app on our phones and light every candle we can.  In the blackouts we walk from room to room, with flashlight or candle in hand.  Suddenly we are afraid of furniture or obstacles that are always there, but are now scary in the absence of light.

Do you know one of my favorite things about Jesus? He never asked anything of us that He wasn't willing to do Himself. Jesus walked the darkest, loneliest road, carrying a cross on His way to death by crucifixion. The roads through and in Jerusalem were familiar but in the darkness and alienation that our sin created we cannot understand the dread or His loneliness as God the Father turned His head.

Jesus defeated the darkness and the loneliness. Because of Jesus, God's Word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.  And, right now, I am walking one step at a time because I know the road ends in glory, in everlasting light, in land of never ending day.

How do I do that?   

"Hebrews 12:2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne."

Brothers and sisters, we fret so much about being God's will.  If that is truly our heart's desire, our motivation for the steps we take and choices we make, then we will be, even on roads that look like major detours.  All roads lead to glory, to Heaven, to everlasting joy and light for believers.  The joy was not in the cross, but what awaited after the cross.  The "the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10" The joy of knowing what waits at the end of all roads, dark or light, smooth or bumpy. Joy becomes strength to endure. Endurance increases faith.

Enduring is easier when we remember what awaits.  Jesus is a light that cannot be swallowed up.  He is a light we see and know.  When we hide our Word in our hearts, He is a light that shines within.  His Word is leading us to a city where there is no need of sun or moon because He is the light that lights it up.

I keep stumbling on this dark road.  Every step reminds me I need a Savior.  Every step reminds me I have a Savior. I am glad.

"You Are the Boss of Me": My Life's Philosophy

    "You are the boss of me. You don't have to do what I say.", said my then four year old son.

     "Yes, Timmy, that is correct." I answered back.

     "I can't tell you what to do, but you can tell me what do." Tim said, giving me an adorably earnest and sincere nod.

That conversation occurred 11years ago after my four year old thought he had the same authority as his mom and dad. I educated him with a minor show of might (I picked him up off the swing he was playing on), and forceful diplomacy(I reminded him of whose will was sovereign in the Gray family). Even as I think about that story now I smile because the sincerity of his voice and earnest nod of his head assured me that he understood.

My life philosophy boils down to one statement.

     You are God and I am not.

You answer my What is the meaning of life? question. You are my rhyme and reason when life stops making sense. My recent interactions with You remind me of that conversation I had with my little boy years ago. The struggle for authority in my heart never ends.

     Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 2:12NKJV

You created. You envisioned the universe and spoke it into existence. How and when remains a mystery, with more and more clues being discovered everyday, written in the coded language of science. You longed for relationship so You fashioned humans, with the Words You spoke from Your mouth, the clay You shaped and molded with Your hands, and the kiss of life in the breath from Your lips. 

Ours was to be a love story. A connection between Creator/Author and the created/character, a vision brought to life. You made us in Your image with the will to choose, so we wrote our own story, taking the pen from Your hand and scratching out everything You outlined. The end of our story would be worse than death, it would literally be hell, eternal damnation; the scariest story ever written. That was the story we created until in Your kindness and love for Your creation, You penned a new story, full of battles, and a Hero who stormed the gates of hell, defeating death and assuring once and for all that we would live happily ever after with the One who designed us for His good pleasure and His glory.

Yours is The Story of the ages. Ours is a story within The Story, written to draw readers in so the truth and Your glory would be revealed. The truth is it is Your world and we are just living in it. The glory is that You are good and Your goodness has already triumphed over evil and that all will be revealed, that everything will work for our good because Your story envelopes and overshadows ours as we look unto You, the One who started and finished our story. We simply watch unfold as we obey the steps outlined in Your story recorded in Your Word.

So, I say Your will be done. I don't get to tell You what to do. You are the boss of me and everything. Why? Because You are Creator God, You are my Savior God, who authored my salvation, my faith. You are my King with Your will being sovereign. I lay the pen down. Please write as You will. I want my story to bring You glory.  I am saved and I know my story ends in Heaven, where it really just begins. My story there is being written by how well I follow your story here.  All that you ask of me, the faith to say YES I need a Savior. Yes I will follow YOUR plan illustrated by Your Word. Yes I will move forward in You, where You lead, how You say because I know the end.  You and I live and love happily ever after.

Jesus, Mary, and Timothy: A Peak Into My Chaos

A pediatric neurologist diagnosed my only child, Timothy, with Tourette Sydrome when he was 8years old.  My heart sunk as he confirmed what I feared for over a year.  Tim’s case is severe and renders him dysfunctional sometimes.  He cannot walk or talk.  When Tim was diagnosed my heart broke to a depth I have never experienced.  The wound still opens from time to time and my heart bleeds when I watch the most basic task of holding a toothbrush become a 15minute challenge as he brushes his teeth or a quick five minute walk across a high school parking lot turn into a 45minute challenge that involves me holding him up and helping him until I reach his assistant that follows him through the school day.  Tears often flow and it feels like blood is pouring from my heart as I watch his assistant hold him up and walk him down the halls of his school.  Someday, I will go into the ins and outs of Tourette Sydrome.  http://www.tourettetexas.org/

As Christmas approaches I think of Mary.  Any Bible belt native does.  I never viewed the life of Jesus through a mother’s eyes until recently.  I think about the roller coaster she rode being the Savior’s mother.  In Luke 1 the angels announce His birth and all of these miraculous events unfolded as the Son of God made His entrance to the world as a baby.  How exciting to see this glorious portion of His journey. 

I wonder when the sickening realization hit her that her first born Son was born to die, be crucified, and die a criminal’s death.  I ache with her when I read about His torture and mockery from the very people He was dying to save.  I thought about her as she watched helplessly from the foot of the cross as Jesus agonized for every breath he took, much like I watch my son often struggle for every step he takes.

I can’t count the number of times I have cried and raged, “This isn’t fair”, or “Tim does NOT DESERVE THIS.”  How often did Mary want to scream that very same thing?

“How can it be Your plan, God, to make Tim look like a freak?”  I have asked this.  Tim has asked this.

“How can it be Your plan that Your very own begotten son looks like a fool and a criminal”.  I don’t know if Mary thought this, but I know I would.

How hard it is sometimes to accept that God’s road for us leads through peaks AND valleys.  Glorious miracles AND blind trust knowing His Word IS TRUE.  THAT HE IS GOOD BECAUSE HIS WORD SAYS HE IS.

I wonder at what point did Mary lay down her dreams and plans for her Son and surrender them to the divine purpose that God put in place from the very beginning, before the foundation of the world was lain.  I wonder when I will find the strength to trust Tim’s fate to the hands of the One who designed His life from the beginning.

 I heard someone once state that it is foolish to judge a masterpiece until it is finished because the process can look like a big ole mess.  But when the pieces come together, it creates a picture more beautiful that we can imagine.  I wish I could remember who said that, but I remember the gist of it when I watch this portion of Tim’s beautiful life.  I KNOW the one who designed it, so I try to keep my eyes on the Craftsmen. 

#TouretteSyndrome 
#Godhelps 
#MarythemotherofJesus

Random Thoughts About God's Voice

The voice of God OVER us!  Absolute Power
Psalm 29:3 The voice of the Lord echoes above the sea. The God of glory thunders. The Lord thunders over the mighty sea. 4 The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic. 5 The voice of the Lord splits the mighty cedars; the Lord shatters the cedars of Lebanon.

The voice of God TO us!  Absolute Care
John 10:3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.

The voice of God IN us!  Absolute Guidance
John 14:17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.

If Almighty God sent His Almighty Son to be the Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep.....
If Almighty Son of God conquered said death....
If Almighty Son of God had to go away so the God the Holy Spirit could come...
If the Almighty Holy Spirit came to be God IN us....

Then I going to trust His Words, His Voice, His ways.
    Over everything that scares me...
    Over everything that hurts me....
    Over every voice that speaks anything BUT the Word of God to me and in me...

I am learning He is exactly Who He says He is.