Jesus, Mary, and Timothy: A Peak Into My Chaos

A pediatric neurologist diagnosed my only child, Timothy, with Tourette Sydrome when he was 8years old.  My heart sunk as he confirmed what I feared for over a year.  Tim’s case is severe and renders him dysfunctional sometimes.  He cannot walk or talk.  When Tim was diagnosed my heart broke to a depth I have never experienced.  The wound still opens from time to time and my heart bleeds when I watch the most basic task of holding a toothbrush become a 15minute challenge as he brushes his teeth or a quick five minute walk across a high school parking lot turn into a 45minute challenge that involves me holding him up and helping him until I reach his assistant that follows him through the school day.  Tears often flow and it feels like blood is pouring from my heart as I watch his assistant hold him up and walk him down the halls of his school.  Someday, I will go into the ins and outs of Tourette Sydrome.  http://www.tourettetexas.org/

As Christmas approaches I think of Mary.  Any Bible belt native does.  I never viewed the life of Jesus through a mother’s eyes until recently.  I think about the roller coaster she rode being the Savior’s mother.  In Luke 1 the angels announce His birth and all of these miraculous events unfolded as the Son of God made His entrance to the world as a baby.  How exciting to see this glorious portion of His journey. 

I wonder when the sickening realization hit her that her first born Son was born to die, be crucified, and die a criminal’s death.  I ache with her when I read about His torture and mockery from the very people He was dying to save.  I thought about her as she watched helplessly from the foot of the cross as Jesus agonized for every breath he took, much like I watch my son often struggle for every step he takes.

I can’t count the number of times I have cried and raged, “This isn’t fair”, or “Tim does NOT DESERVE THIS.”  How often did Mary want to scream that very same thing?

“How can it be Your plan, God, to make Tim look like a freak?”  I have asked this.  Tim has asked this.

“How can it be Your plan that Your very own begotten son looks like a fool and a criminal”.  I don’t know if Mary thought this, but I know I would.

How hard it is sometimes to accept that God’s road for us leads through peaks AND valleys.  Glorious miracles AND blind trust knowing His Word IS TRUE.  THAT HE IS GOOD BECAUSE HIS WORD SAYS HE IS.

I wonder at what point did Mary lay down her dreams and plans for her Son and surrender them to the divine purpose that God put in place from the very beginning, before the foundation of the world was lain.  I wonder when I will find the strength to trust Tim’s fate to the hands of the One who designed His life from the beginning.

 I heard someone once state that it is foolish to judge a masterpiece until it is finished because the process can look like a big ole mess.  But when the pieces come together, it creates a picture more beautiful that we can imagine.  I wish I could remember who said that, but I remember the gist of it when I watch this portion of Tim’s beautiful life.  I KNOW the one who designed it, so I try to keep my eyes on the Craftsmen. 

#TouretteSyndrome 
#Godhelps 
#MarythemotherofJesus